Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
