Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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