What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
