Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
