Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I am midnight drunk by noon
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
