Kiss
Puke
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
