Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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