I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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