I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
