Soap is not a condiment
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
