Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
