i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
