yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
And then he peed in my hair
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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