Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
