The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
