Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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