sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
