He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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