Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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