I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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