I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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