she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
