How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
