just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
