i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
