Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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