a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
