how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
