I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
