So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
