woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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