It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
