We named our party play list daddy issues
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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