No awkward lesbian experiences without me
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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