If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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