at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
