The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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