Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
