4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
