Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
