can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
