Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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