you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
