weddingsv make me drug and hornr
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
