i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
