Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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