I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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