it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
