you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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