i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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