he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
